I was recently talking with my boyfriend over lunch about when I worked in the corporate world.
Looking back, this was a very challenging time, and I experienced a deep level of dissatisfaction. I worked as a financial controller, accounting manager, and financial analyst, working with multi-million dollar corporate budgets for a hotel company.
I was talented around money and finances, yet, my personal relationship to money was shadowy.
The company office was located in an outside mall in a really nice shopping area in Marin County. At lunch time, I would feel so burnt out and tired, that I'd compensate with luxurious shopping or by splurging on expensive lunches. The overspending was so out of control, that I'd find myself going to agencies to get my paycheck in advance to pay for my bills.
This was a really painful time of my life. At first, I didn't know what to do about it. I felt lost and stuck. On some level, I didn't even care, because I was so disappointed with my life.
Yet, this pain was the fuel for change. At some point, I recognized that this pattern of overspending and debting was a real problem, and that I needed to go after it.
It wasn't until my life fully started to fall apart that I started to put out prayers. I started asking for help, for a mentor, for someone to show me the way through.
In the hero or heroine's journey, the protagonist must be willing to call out for help, to summon allies that will support him or her into their next level of evolution.
Soon, my mentor appeared! I started to actively learn about money in a new way, and even joined Debtors Anonymous, and worked through the 12 steps, to heal my pattern of overspending and debting.
Meanwhile, my mentor and I worked our way into the deep recesses of my psyche, and why this addiction was playing out. There was a much deeper root cause to this painful pattern.
I fully gave myself to the transformation process, and over time, emerged with a new way to relate to myself and to money.
My reckless overspending and debting evolved into a wise, grounded way to handle money. I started approaching money as a sacred resource, and money management as a fun and magical process that can feel adventurous, empowering, and dynamic.
I developed a crystal clear spending plan, got a tracking system, and learned how to look at my money every day. That way, I could easily measure my spending against the plan, and course-correct as needed. While my impulses to spend didn't fully go away, I became able to manage them, and to make grounded, intentional choices with my spending. I became discerning and a stronger saver, because suddenly, certain things like travel and investing in new experiences became important to me, and were worth saving for.
Relating to money in a new, exciting, and healthy way ignited a deep passion in me. My work with money impacted all arenas of my life and I felt inspired to share the keys of financial mastery with others. Unexpectedly, my challenging journey of initiations with money gave me my career! Today, I'm able to share my gifts with money and finance in a way that feels alive, full of purpose, meaning, and impact.
I understand my clients' patterns compassionately because I've been there.
Without my life experiences, as painful as some of them were, it would be very difficult to guide people into the territory of the Money Shadow successfully.
And this is an ongoing journey, of course. But now I have a comprehensive system, developed over my 12 years as a financial coach, that includes the practical and the magic of money. A holistic way to work with all aspects that come with money — emotional, spiritual, and practical. I also have ongoing support from my mentor, so that I can continue to uplevel.
So this is what's possible when we choose to fully give ourselves to the transformation: we can transform not only our external circumstances (our career, our financial flow, our assets), but also the internal way we relate to money, which is the gift we take with us for the rest of our lives.
Have you had a turning point in your life with money? What difficult pattern or money shadow are you ready to transform with support?